I know the Department of Motor Vehicles is a cliché that every stand up comedian has hit upon at some point in their careers, so forgive me if you think I'm retreading on someone's old material. However, I had to go pay a couple of tickets last Friday, and well, it was an experience.
If you recall, before a recent evening of debauchery and sin (read: billiards and crabcakes) I was caught going a whopping 9 MPH over the posted speed limit. I also didn't have proof of my insurance. Sue me. I could have paid the speeding fine online, however the other ticket would be waived if I came in and showed proof of my coverage.
Now I don't know how it is in your city, but here in my town, the DMV is broken up into several departments and spread out all over town. Here there's an entire building devoted solely to paying traffic violations. And that's where I wound up on Friday.
I figured that with these individual buildings for different tasks, there'd clearly be no problems getting in, paying the fines, and going on my merry way. I thought wrong. Upon entering, I was met with a wall of people, all snaked around in a line similar to what you'd see at an amusement park. It was about an hour later that I found my way out.
In situations like this, I tend to observe things to entertain myself (and so I can tell the internets later). First, I noticed that if you ever want to see the finest collection of novelty T-shirts in town, this place is where it's at. From the fat guy in the "6 pack abs" shirt to the charming 16 year old pregnant girl whose shirt simply read "FUCK!" in giant red letters, it truly was a meeting of the minds.
Secondly, every third person in line seemed to have very vocal suggestions as to how they could improve this process. City planners, committees, employees who see how this place runs on a daily basis... step aside. The joker who ran a red light and slammed into a school bus while he was drunk has ideas!
There were also signs posted all over the place for our reading entertainment. Most of the usual stuff you'd expect: "No Firearms", "No Pets", "No Food or Drink". One prominent sign read "Please turn off cell phones". And it was amusing to watch every single person in the building disregard that one.
Think about it... the reason you're standing in line in this place to begin with is because you couldn't do what the signs told you to do. And while you're waiting to pay the fine for not doing what the signs said, you flagrantly disregard more signs. In your face DMV! Look at me disobeying your signs AGAIN!
And why is it that no one knows what their own cell phone sounds like? Lady, you're the only person in the world with a ringtone that simply is someone shouting "HEY! Where You At?!" over and over again at a progressively louder volume... why are you waiting five minutes to even realize your phone is ringing? It's in your hand and SHOUTING at you!
Also, the building seemed to be filled with religious employees, and nearly everyone had inspirational messages posted onto their cubicle walls. Most seemed to be reminders not to kill customers, saying things like "Lord, put that mountain back in my way so I don't have to see these people!" and "Give me the strength to close my eyes and breathe, Oh Lord". However one lady's sign actually disturbed me in a way that I think it would most likely disturb a lot of people. It read "What's better than knowing that I'm going to heaven is that I'm taking people with me!" Taking people with you? Isn't that what disgruntled postal workers say when they come back to work with automatic rifles? Don't take me with you lady... just get yourself there.
Oh, so what's with the picture you ask? Well, I was trying to find a Google image for "cliché" and it produced a ton of results for Canadian actress/hottie Karen Cliche. She's purdy. I hope I have to write about more clichés in the future.